Sunday, March 4, 2018
March Forth: Serenity and Spheres of Control
This March Forth, I am focusing on the concept of Spheres of Control. A "resilience trainer" at work recently explained it to me, and I was struck by how useful the concept is for our world right now. Somedays it is hard to wake up and look at my phone. There are troubling trends in all corners of the globe, and the world order the United States and its allies spent seven decades trying to put into place faces new and unprecedented challenges. Misinformation, spread like wild fire, fills our inboxes and computer screens, and it is hard to know who and what to trust. Xenophobia, populism, authoritarianism, and angry rhetoric are on the rise, and terrorism and violence leave us feeling hopeless and afraid. With all of these challenges, it is hard to imagine that in the past 20 years, we have been enjoying one of the most peaceful periods in human history.
So, how do we cope with the constant barrage of bad news and troubling trends? One way is to understand, through the concept of the spheres of control, what we can and cannot affect or change ourselves. Highlighting one of my favorite observations that there is nothing new under the sun, the spheres of control are essentially a glorified explanation of the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The Three Spheres of Control:
Outside Our Control: We all experience in life things that are outside of our control -- things we cannot change. The weather, disease, global trade volumes, or the past. Despite our lack of control in this sphere, I would hazard to guess that most people spend most of their time worrying about these things. I certainly do. Especially the past. Worrying about things in this sphere inevitably will lead to frustration or depression because we feel helpless and overwhelmed when we try to change them and fail.
Influence: There's a smaller sphere though that includes the things we can influence, but not control. For example, when I am talking abstractly about a leader, I like to use the pronoun "she" and speak about the leader as a woman. I fancy that by doing so, I can influence others around me to think abstractly about women as leaders. I cannot, however, influence the centuries of oppression women have endured and still endure. And I have very little to no control over the fact that of the almost 200 nations in the world, only 15 have women leaders and that in Forbes Top 500 companies, less than 25 have women CEOs. I can only change the way I think about women leaders and hopefully contribute to the way those around me think about women leaders -- but that influence is a drop of water in a mighty ocean.
In this category, I would add that many people try to change other people -- and other people's behavior is decidedly outside of our control. As a good leader, you can influence people. But as a good leader, it's important to remember that you cannot control others. Ultimately, each person in your life or your team will chose her own path, and it is important to realize that all you can do as a leader is shine a light on the path you think best. Some people will not follow.
Control: The only thing you have any real control over is yourself. You can be in charge of what you focus on, what you tell yourself, and how you behave. This sphere is where the majority of your time, energy and effort should reside. You cannot control whether others chose to be decent and kind on social media, for example, but you can control whether you are decent and kind. You can't control whether you become ill, but you can control whether you exercise and eat right and contribute to your own personal well-being.
This March forth, I want to focus more on this small, but mighty sphere of control. More importantly though, I am committing to spend less time focusing on the things I cannot control. For example, it is a good idea to limit how much negativity I allow into my mind (and I can do so by choosing what I watch and read). I am not suggesting that we should block out hard or sad news -- information about other people's suffering. I am saying we should focus on being one of and supporting the people who are trying to lessen that suffering or impact it in a positive way -- people who are trying to make the world a better, safer, more decent place.
Misinformation and the Sphere of Control: The age of social media has done as much or more to change the world as the printing press or the steam engine. Now anyone can be a "journalist" and information can spread around the world rapidly and exponentially at a speed unimaginable just 20 years ago. Unfortunately, that means that for the most part, a lie can circumnavigate the globe before the truth can get its pants on. If you're anything like me, you wonder every day if you can trust what you're reading (and this is a far bigger problem in certain countries where freedom of speech is under greater assault). We cannot control that many bad actors use misinformation as a form of "hybrid warfare" to manipulate people. Indeed, if you recall Plato's allegory of the cave, you will remember that leaders have been using misinformation to manipulate publics for time immemorial.
What can we control? We can control how we consume information. For example, we can chose to get our information from many different sources to ensure we are not relying on one entity to "feed us" the truth. We can also investigate the things we read to make sure they are true -- this is especially important before we share information with others on social media. In this way, we can at least not contribute to the spread of misinformation. We can also work to influence others to be cautious in what they chose to believe and to ensure they are using reliable sources. And we can all contribute to what I imagine will be a global effort in the years and decades ahead to "fix" what social media has challenged -- our access to credible information. Democracies depend on reliable information -- indeed as the Washington Post reminds us "Democracy Dies in Darkness." So like Plato, we should all summon up the energy to get up off the floor of the cave, stop watching the shadows others project, and walk out into the light.
We Are Still Mighty: One last thought -- it's easy to misunderstand the spheres of control as an invitation to surrender. We just have to "accept" all the bad things that happen in life and are helpless to control them or alleviate others' suffering. But it is not that at all. It is instead an invitation to a more peaceful heart. You can control how you conduct yourself and you can try to influences others to do good -- and in this latter category, we can all think of people who changed the world by shining a bright light on a better path to follow. While I will not give up the fight to be my best self and to try to influence others to do the same, this March Forth, I will work harder to focus my emotional energy on those two things and less on the things I have no power to change. May God grant me serenity.
So, how do we cope with the constant barrage of bad news and troubling trends? One way is to understand, through the concept of the spheres of control, what we can and cannot affect or change ourselves. Highlighting one of my favorite observations that there is nothing new under the sun, the spheres of control are essentially a glorified explanation of the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The Three Spheres of Control:
Influence: There's a smaller sphere though that includes the things we can influence, but not control. For example, when I am talking abstractly about a leader, I like to use the pronoun "she" and speak about the leader as a woman. I fancy that by doing so, I can influence others around me to think abstractly about women as leaders. I cannot, however, influence the centuries of oppression women have endured and still endure. And I have very little to no control over the fact that of the almost 200 nations in the world, only 15 have women leaders and that in Forbes Top 500 companies, less than 25 have women CEOs. I can only change the way I think about women leaders and hopefully contribute to the way those around me think about women leaders -- but that influence is a drop of water in a mighty ocean.
In this category, I would add that many people try to change other people -- and other people's behavior is decidedly outside of our control. As a good leader, you can influence people. But as a good leader, it's important to remember that you cannot control others. Ultimately, each person in your life or your team will chose her own path, and it is important to realize that all you can do as a leader is shine a light on the path you think best. Some people will not follow.
Control: The only thing you have any real control over is yourself. You can be in charge of what you focus on, what you tell yourself, and how you behave. This sphere is where the majority of your time, energy and effort should reside. You cannot control whether others chose to be decent and kind on social media, for example, but you can control whether you are decent and kind. You can't control whether you become ill, but you can control whether you exercise and eat right and contribute to your own personal well-being.
This March forth, I want to focus more on this small, but mighty sphere of control. More importantly though, I am committing to spend less time focusing on the things I cannot control. For example, it is a good idea to limit how much negativity I allow into my mind (and I can do so by choosing what I watch and read). I am not suggesting that we should block out hard or sad news -- information about other people's suffering. I am saying we should focus on being one of and supporting the people who are trying to lessen that suffering or impact it in a positive way -- people who are trying to make the world a better, safer, more decent place.
Misinformation and the Sphere of Control: The age of social media has done as much or more to change the world as the printing press or the steam engine. Now anyone can be a "journalist" and information can spread around the world rapidly and exponentially at a speed unimaginable just 20 years ago. Unfortunately, that means that for the most part, a lie can circumnavigate the globe before the truth can get its pants on. If you're anything like me, you wonder every day if you can trust what you're reading (and this is a far bigger problem in certain countries where freedom of speech is under greater assault). We cannot control that many bad actors use misinformation as a form of "hybrid warfare" to manipulate people. Indeed, if you recall Plato's allegory of the cave, you will remember that leaders have been using misinformation to manipulate publics for time immemorial.
What can we control? We can control how we consume information. For example, we can chose to get our information from many different sources to ensure we are not relying on one entity to "feed us" the truth. We can also investigate the things we read to make sure they are true -- this is especially important before we share information with others on social media. In this way, we can at least not contribute to the spread of misinformation. We can also work to influence others to be cautious in what they chose to believe and to ensure they are using reliable sources. And we can all contribute to what I imagine will be a global effort in the years and decades ahead to "fix" what social media has challenged -- our access to credible information. Democracies depend on reliable information -- indeed as the Washington Post reminds us "Democracy Dies in Darkness." So like Plato, we should all summon up the energy to get up off the floor of the cave, stop watching the shadows others project, and walk out into the light.
We Are Still Mighty: One last thought -- it's easy to misunderstand the spheres of control as an invitation to surrender. We just have to "accept" all the bad things that happen in life and are helpless to control them or alleviate others' suffering. But it is not that at all. It is instead an invitation to a more peaceful heart. You can control how you conduct yourself and you can try to influences others to do good -- and in this latter category, we can all think of people who changed the world by shining a bright light on a better path to follow. While I will not give up the fight to be my best self and to try to influence others to do the same, this March Forth, I will work harder to focus my emotional energy on those two things and less on the things I have no power to change. May God grant me serenity.
